on Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ok, topic nie agak keterlaluan skit. Well, xde la ape2 sangat tapi ak bleh tau, di akhir pembacaan ini, korg dapat men’describe’kan ak mengikut perspektif anda sendiri. Walau bagaimanapun, anda tidak berhak untuk menilai seseorg secara kritikal kalu anda masih xkenal saper ak yang sebenarnya. Post ini akan menceritakan apa yang ak baru tahu mengenai diri ak. So, kepada yang tidak OPEN-MINDED atau TIDAK BOLEH MENERIMA KENYATAAN, sila undurkan diri dari meneruskan pembacaan ini. Please, jangan buat judgement yang melulu sebelum korg kenal ak dengan sebenar2nya cuz I really hate that kind of person. Plus, post nie maybe panjang giler…

So, setelah bertahun-tahun struggling with what I can describe as an Identity Uncertainty, skrang baru saya tau apa yang sedang alami since I’m in Form 3. I totally confused with myself until I found out the reason for the situation. OK, I have a feeling where I love girls, but I also love guys. I dun have the understanding of true love cuz ak xpernah mendalaminya. It’s like a dream. So, at one point of my dull life, ak diperkatakan/dianggap oleh org sekeliling sbg bisexual but there is a conflict. Ak x rase nk make love ngan saper2, like being asexual. WTFuck!!! I can’t describe what is Love actually. Tp ak bukan malaikat yang xde nafsu kan and yes, I love girls but again, I also love guys. In what term, korg kena proceed bace la…

However, there is sometimes that I think I love guys and I hate girls. Kenapa camtu? Well, ak ad buat satu test kat social life ak and ak mendapati, ada parts yang pempuan xleh buat seperti lelaki especially in term of friendship. Ak ada menceritakan satu situasi ak yang mane ak rase x perlu utk diceritakan kat org laen. But then, sebab si pempuan xleh nk control situasi tu, so ak rasa hampa sebab si lelaki bleh plak simpan cerita. Of course lelaki lebih memahami lelaki but not to mean pempuan x pandai nk control situasi cam2 kan. OK, ak rase korg agak blur ngan penceritaan ak, tp its OK sbb the main point xde dlm kajian ak nie. Here ad satu vid ak nk share ngan korg sal bromance (sementara tunggu buffering, korg continue arr bace kat bawah yek, haha)…


Anyways, ak bleh katakan yang ak get into with guys, instead with the girls. Ak bleh definekan situasi nie sebagai “satu affection yang ak appreciate giler”. Kalu mase ak Form 5, semua best friend ak adalah laki and none of them are from kaum Hawa. Plus, ak anggap friendship with girl is a common things. And ada sorg yang mempertikaikan kenapa ak rapat ngan laki and sampai mengeluarkan term ‘Gay’ sebagai perkataan untuk describekan ak. Ak agak sentap mase tu sbb tukang tanye tu sebenarnye yang ‘Gay’ tp menburukkan org laen sbb they dun have the oppurtunity to do so, (Oppps, terlepas cakap la plak). Actually I’m in bromance. And ak rase bromance is the best term to describe situation sebenar. So, amek ko (pangkah kat muka2 penfitnah tuh, sbb mereka2 crite sal ak)
Korg tau ker ape tu bromance??? Kejap, ad petikan definisi skit ak nk share ngan korg.

A bromance or man-crush is a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men, a form of homosocial intimacy.
A bromance is a very close friendship between two heterosexual men, classically two single heterosexual men. Men in a bromance are sometimes said to be “bromosexual,” and they may be accused of having “man crushes,” even though their relationship is not, in fact, sexual in nature.

So, do u get the general view on bromance? So, basically ak bleh kata cmni. Ak bleh interested kat guys tp xde intention for sexual activity. Like being random, tp nie lagi specific. Lantak korg la nk terkejut ker ape ker, tp ak crite benda nie secara jujur. Bromance nie mmg dah lama dh. Even sebelum moyang korg lahir pun dh ada. For example, Alexander the Great and Hephaestion, mamat dua org nie mmg rapat giler sampai Alexander the Great nie anggap ye mcm extraordinarily close friendship and eromenos (ancient Greek for beloved). Even mak Alexander pun xleh cam anaknye, malu kot. Tapi Alexander cakap, "You were not mistaken, Mother; this man too is Alexander." Gitu juga dalam cerita My Boss My Hero, relationship between Makky (Aniki) ngan Kazu and Sakurakoji. And so do in latest Final Fantasy Versus versus XIII where Noctis is very cool and close giler ngan 3-‘musketeers’nye (companion friends).


Oh Yeah, ak mmg take care giler kat BFFs ak and everything going very fine sehinggakan ak anggap diorg as my lil’ bros. And it’s so OK kalu ad yang xdapat accept situasi cmni but I’m just being the real me… Basically, situation yang ak hadapi bleh di’express’kan melalui petikan nie:

Men in a bromance have typically known each other for a very long time, and they share immense love, respect, and affection for each other. It is common for a bromance to express itself in the form of physical affection such as play wrestling, hugging, and other activities, but the relationship also goes much deeper than surface physical expressions of friendship.
Hugging, piggybacking, shoulder leaning or teasing are all common features of homosocial relationships, as are frank discussions about sexuality, life, and health.

Yet, ble org yang x beberapa memahami situasi nie akan nmpk actions seperti yg diterangkan kat atas sbg weird, awkward, homos and wateva. Tp cuba tanya BFF ak, pernah x ak buat sex ngan diorg? Absolutely NO! Well then, kenapa org selalu accuse ak ngan persoalan yang menjelekkan like this?;

Dean, are you gay? cuz I saw u and him always being together?
Dean, are u making love with him? U seem like havin’ an affair with him. No offense!
Dean, what are you doing at the back of the building? U guys do a fuck game???
(P/S : Kat Formspring lagi banyak)

WTF! NO OFFENSE ko cakap! Fuck u la beb. Dudes, u insulting me with that kind of fuckin’ question… Sila sedar diri kalu yg bercakap tu sebenarnya tok dalang segala homos!!! Salah ker kalu ak pegi makan dua-duaan ngan BFF ak? Salah ker kalu ak keluar malam ngan BFF ak? Salah ker kalu… ? (xkan nk share semua kot, x syok arr cm2, hahaha). Kekadang terfikir jgak kenapa pempaun bleh buat semua tu without dituduh sebagai Lesbian? Listen, if you guys think for each special relationship is about havin’ sex, then I would like to recommend you people to stop watching porn movies!!! Rosak otak korang kalu benda tu jer terlekat kat kepala. Owh, BTW, ak xdelah in bromance ngan sumer guys kat dunia nie. Like I ever said before, I’m pretty fuckin’ selective in many things, even friendship (jujurnya). (Even korg pun selective kan ble sentuh sal BFF kan???)So, kalu setakat kawan biasa, kau tetap kawan biase (dun take this too serious). Tp ak rase bersyukur giler sebab ak jumpa kawan2 yang wonderful giler. Ingat, in my world, opportunity come once, so if u think u should dump me for wht I’m to be, well then, be my guest, get out from my life and dun ever2 think u will have the mythful Second Chance, OK. In my friendship, there is no second chance (too rare la kalu nk jadi pun).