on Friday, December 31, 2010

Hi guys, long time no see. December gonna meet the horizon of 2011 and I’m still just like before. Freak. Ego and everything la. X sumer orang menutup bulan akhir 2010 dengan benda yang mengembirakan and I’m one of them. There’s lot of thing happens around this month. My Semester 1 result, which is not-so-good result la. Pastu class timetable problematic. Membuatkan jadual ak differ dr org lain, tp puas hati jugak la ngan jadual tuh. Even though ak kena try sumer Set yang ada. Pilih lecturer, pilih subject, pilih set, pilih tempat and pilih many thing lagi la. Pastu ad plak tragedy yg happen last week, roomate ak accident, long2 story to tell u guys here. Tp tempias trauma dier kena kat ak jgak la… So, ak harap alasan2 tu menjawab kenapa ak xdpt update blog byk sgt bulan nie. Tp entry kali nie sal ak (suka hati ak la nk letak cerita ak, this is my blog). Daripada tajuk pun korg bleh expect la citer cmne tp kalu korg xdpt imagine (susah betul), so korg proceed la baca. Not suitable for underage readers (PG13), tp pepandai la. Dapatkan parental guidance dulu sebelum membaca, hahahahahaha.

So ape cerita ngan Prejudice nie? Ok, lately, ak banyak dilanda ngan speculation terhadap isu2 yg agak controversy; dan membawa kepada perasaaan yg kita kenali sebagai Prejudice. Ape, ko closed minded sgt ker Dean??? Closed minded ape kalu yg buat speculation tu bukan ak! Just as a human, ak agak terasa la ngan situasi cmni. Nmpk ak muka xde perasaan, xde kisah, tp korg ingt ak xde hati ker? Teruk2 ak telan pun tohmahan org, terdetik jgak rasa sentap tu. Biase la, ak nie kadang2 xde la angkat kepala, tp ble tunduk, kepala kena pijak plak kan??? Antara isu yang paling controversy yang dipersoalkan dlm hidup ak adalah sexual orientation ak. It’s like WTH?!!! Sape korg yang paham sangat hati ak huh?

Ak dh explain skit sal diri ak on my previous entry; Bromance tp still benda tu dpt pandangan serong dari sesetengah pihak. Persoalan pertama, let me explain skit sal orientation ak nie. Like I said before, I’m not a gay. Even ak nie kire teruna lagi. Clean plak tuh. Untung sape kawin ngan ak nnti (parody kepada kawin pempuan yg masih dara). It’s not something that I should be proud of nor shame off. Yes, I have interest to girl. of course. But since I’m somekind chooser, less social and etc which make me to have a girlfriend, a hard thing, u know. Owh, kalu kate ak xpenah crush kat mane2 girls, sumpah tu penipu n fitnah (Fitnah la if it comes from other sources, like mulut org). But then, this situation; not being a couple for ages, turn to be the good source for people to make a speculation towards me.

Actually ak rase pelik jgak kat dunia yg penuh pancaloba; nk kate ak nie kind of kisah hal org, xde plak ak kisah psal diorg (yg kata ak cmtu) byk2, tp ak xtau ape yang diorg care sgt bout myself (internal feelings). Hey, hey, hell-O, ak dah 19 and I know bout myself more than u guys do. Plus, I dun need people to describe my orientation, cuz I already know who I am… No need la korg nk match-make ak ngan sape2 sbb ak dh boring dh ngan benda cm2, and kalu korg pikir laen, korg simpan jer dlm hati. X pelu la korg nk bagitau ak or mempersoalkan ak, like “ea, Dean, ko gay eh? kalu ko x pun, ad possibility x nk jadik gay?” WTF, ak sumpah 6 keturunan korg jadi gay… (X smpai tujuh la sbb salah satu keturunan tu dari golongan yg pernah kate ak cm2. Tolak satu tinggal 6 kan??? Pastu fuhh, keturunan ketujuh korg tu keturunan terakhir sbb laki sumer xleh pakai… In this case pempuan xbawak name keturunan yup, so mmg null case la kalu perempuan. Baru korg realize how I feel selama nie). Mmg la ak x offense sgt ble korg kate cm2, but as a men, ceruk jauh hati ak terase jgak. (Liberalism practices). By the way, I love girls but I have to deal with this involuntary celibacy first around this time. I dun want to tell u much bout this thing cuz this thing have beyond my purpose of this topic.

Owh, myb from my looking or my actions make me look like a gay tp sejauh mane korg rase tu benar? Mane tau ak nie jenis hypocrite, stereotype and berlakon in RL tu satu benda biase? Kalu betul la korg rase ak gay, korg ad nampak ker ak kissing dlm public toilet? or ak baham asshole orang? No way la! ak xde la sex maniac sgt. Just a plain of myself, seriously. Imagination is far more powerful sex toys compare to others thing ever exist, ever created in this world. Tp ak xde la imagine benda tu jer… Even ak jalan sorg2 pun ak bleh imagine, kenapa org xbuat cm2, why people don’t do this. Kalu korg asyik imagine benda ‘biru’ jer kat kepala, ak nasihatkan korg kurangkanlah menonton cerita yg ad inappropriate content tuh. Skali skala, pegi jalan kat Mines, pikir;

● why the tunnel of music dibina dlm bentuk half cylinder?
● jalan kat kat The Heritage, kenapa itu dan ini?
● masuk dalam lift, pikir kenapa ad lift yg bergerak secara vertikal jer, knape x mix ngan horizontal pathway? (refering to a lift sysem kat KTM Serdang)

Barulah aktif otak, creativity and critical thinking diasah. Tua nnti pun x nyanyuk. Still remember who are you as a 5 years old kid? Can u visually describe wht happen when u aged 5? Kalu xingt tu sah2 petanda nk nyanyuk…

So, persoalan kedua. kalu betul ak nie suka kat somebody, why on Earth ak x approach tht person? or at least experss ur feeling towards the person to ur friends? Owh, ak xtau sama ada ak terlupa nk bagitau or korg semua x realize lagi. Tp FYI, I’m not a kind tht approach people. Seriously, ak nie xpandai nk ber’social’ sgt and I’ve try my best to be friends with lots of people. Kalu korg x caya, cuba tnye clique ak, or kawan2 Facebook ak, ad ker ak jenis yg approach org?! To be honest, diorg (some of my FB friends who’s also my faculty clique) bagitau ak, diorg xberani tegur ak. And ak tnye why diorg xberani tegur ak?

Byk la alasan yg diorg bagi kat ak like “ko nmpk sombong” (which in reality ak xde la sombong pun), “takut salah orang” (which in reality ak ad muka mcm sape2 ker? senang kot nk distinguish ak ngan org laen; kecik, prangai mcm budak2, xhensem, demand etc hahahaha). Owwwh, kalu mcm nie sampai tua korg xkenal ak… Susah betul! Bukannye kalu korg datang n duduk satu meja ngan ak, then say Hi, pastu ak trus blah (move away). Mane ada! Ak at least, ak hormat la jgak korg yg datang la, even xkenal sgt. So jgn risau la, ak x de la sombong cm2. Kalu betul pun ak nk lari, tu pun sebab ak busy OR mmg ak penah ad problem ngan org tu smpai rase mcm nk bunuh je ye tu. (dun take it seriously sbb ak xde la sekejam tu). Jarang la kes nie happens, probability ye rendah sgt.

I find out some reason why people susah nk dekati ak. Well, ak xtau la mengikut perspektif korg, tp nie berdasarkan perspektif ak sendiri iaitu melihat dalaman ak sendiri. Perangai ak dan everything. Tapi kalu ak masuk chapter tu plak nnti dh menyimpang dari tajuk asal ak yg nk citer sal prejudis sebilangan orang terhadap ak. So, conclusion utk part nie, korg kena tau jgak la sal ak. Yes, myb korg jarang lepak ngan ak, so korg mmg xtau la cmne ak. tp tolong arr, jangan buat tanggapan yang terlalu negatif kat ak (It's ok a lil' bit sbb kita nie kan manusia, kalu sumer dh puas hati x warna warni la dunia nie kan???). Kalu korg rase ak nie ape and ape ker, just stay silent, xpelu la korg nk tekankan hidup ak ngan byk lagi problem. I enjoy wht I have now, which is at the minimal level lol. X lepas kalu ikut tp kalu x satisfied ngan ape yang kita ada org kata x bersyukur plak kan? For sure korg pun xsuka ble ak masuk campur hal korg kan. So, muhasabbah diri tu banyak2 n detail2 skit, ad ker ak kacau sal kisah cinta korg, sluar dalam warna ape korg pakai  n everything. Xde kan? So, harap la korg dapat balas semula ngan cara yang sama. So, ak tegaskan, jangan interfere idup ak. and I have my own life and also my own rights!

That all I think for today. I wish u guys a Happy New Year to you guys. Have a nice day. Kalu sempat ak post la satu lagi entry sebelum kul 12 tp ak nk sambut jgak New Year 2011.

Sorry guys, tp expansion cerita nie dah di'cut' menjadi post baru sbb mendapat feedbacks (and also from my observation itself) bahawa post ini terlampau panjang dan beberapa part yang terakhir dh masuk kepada topik lain. So ak dh tarik post tu ke new post iaitu DEAN'S APPROACHISM.