on Saturday, February 26, 2011

Hi guys. This time, my post is kinda lame and boring I think bcuz for the very2 first time (never happen before) I’d mind to post a bout my love life. This is against my personal legislation but I have to tell some about it to make it clear for some people. I used to emphasize my stance that “I don’t want to share my love and personal life to other ‘common’ people”. I dun have any rights to give them that much of details. Enough la you guys know me as a single or probably stay as a bachelor in the nearest future.

I start to lose appetite towards LOVE. I’m done with it. Yeah, now my life is finally incomplete. I dun have love anymore (a love towards a partner of mine). What an achievement, isn’t??!

I have a bad history on my love life. From the first ‘cinta monyet’ while in Kindergarten, a more serious ‘cinta monyet’ in Standard 5, the ‘most stupid approach’ love during my Form 3, then proceed for a more brave approach but ‘tepuk sebelah tangan’ punyer love and till one moment full of randomness. I can conclude this kind of love as unfortunate. Yeah, I have a normal feeling, I do love girls and all those previous-fail-trial is a love with a girl. Even though there is no kata-kata rejection dari si dia tp, I found that I can’t continue that relationship. So, I stop SMS, call, or even chat bagai just to get rid that girl out of my life.

I hope that answer all the question about my orientation before you guys start to accuse me as a gay. I dunno what make you people hate me that much. If you say I’m a gay, you probably a gay/lesbian too, isn’t? If you have some inquiries or deals, then come and confront me first. Talk to me what’s ur problems…

Tp kan, there’s something play in my mind… Why on earth korg asyik nk sibuk jer hal hidup ak? OK, ak paham la korg ingin membantu ak, korg care ngan ak or wht, but I dun need that. I will come to u if I need some, but usually, I love to settle this kind of problems on my own. Not that complicated kan? You just need some understanding. I’m an easy-going if you try to understand me cuz when I friend someone, I love to understand who you are first. Ak xkan ber-busybody ngan hidup kau pun cuz tht’s not my style la.

I’m calling cause I need you.
You know I need you so desperately.
You know how bad I can get,
And you know, how good I can be.

All those past love memories just give me more pain when I remind it back. And now, I have a courage to break someone heart. I scare to find love again just because I dun want to break someone heart. In glass making, it’s easy to reshape the glass while it’s still hot. But when it’s start to cool, you can’t reconstructed it when you break it into shatters.

I'm not ridiculous I'm just a boy
Who like's a girl who can't go wrong
can't go wrong, can't go wrong
(edited from Reloaded by Lady Gaga)

But you guys never know what I’d face, experience and what feel throughout this years. You guys never understand me. Since I’m 5, I treat myself differently, I’d think I’m different from others and I start to think I’m special when I reach 12 years old. It’s such an early stage of life to realize that kind of thing but that’s what I have to pay before what and how you guys know me today. It’s so painful to struggle with myself and living in a what so called as cemuhan masyarakat. Yes I rise up from public humiliation. This is what I’m today. You might sympathize  with my life-story if you do ever heard bout it but that is not what I’m asking for. Enough if you can accept me the way I am. I’m completely a perfect stranger than 6 years ago. even though I’m not satisfy with my ultimate changes yet, but I do appreciate my friends who accept and understand me the way I am. To be honest, that ‘friends’ is not more than six people. so pathetic isn’t???

To make this thing clear. I’m SINGLE and I would probably stay in this way for a long time. I feel sgt malas untuk loving2 nie, no matter who are you. Cuz I’m satisfy with what I’m today. True, in love life, I’m alone; but having a good friends around me would be good enough. At least I’m didn’t feel like locked under a curfew. I want freedom and that what I achieve when I’d let go my love. This scarification is a payment for my future life and for my God.

We’re plastic but we’ll still have fun
(Paparazzi by Lady Gaga)

I want to thank someone for make me realize bout it. And that person never exist among my surroundings’ friends. Instead, that person is too special to be with me. BTW, this post is lil' bit inspired by some of Lady Gaga’s songs that I recently play today.

So, thanks for reading until this last part. Kalu boring ngan post kali nie, then you may comment it right down the comment box below.